i loved you in the worst way . the way that wrote your elegy as i looked across a table and saw, at once, why everybody wanted you and the size of the space you'd leave. . because of course you'd leave. . your beautiful bodies so sanguine your belltower laughs, clanging, unignorable the din of your belief; the sometimes-slurring sermon of the fucking faithful. i bit my nails for you. . god, i wanted you to stay. .
your faces perch on my shoulder, one after another. i can feel your smiles. and your party looks bigger than my party from here, howling like happy wolves and pushing each other into the Styx. . but i am not there. . so i scan this pumping purgatory for a secret wave-goodbye . and try to place my cheek against that chest before the earth does.